Parents are supposed to love and protect their children. Support them, and guide them. Pass on the wisdom and traditions of their ancestors. Provide them with strong foundations and happy childhoods that they can tap into for the rest of their lives.
And show their children the way to be who they are.
But unfortunately many parents are incapable of doing this.
There are thousands of ways that parents can fail their children.
It is very easy to hurt the young, the innocent, the trusting, the weaker, the dependent, the powerless -- through incompetent parenting. Consequently, hoards of children go out into the world
with complicated, compound injuries that need mending.
If you are one of these children, it may help to know that:
- You are a unique and separate entity from your parents;
- They were an influence, but do not decide who you are;
- If you are out of your childhood home now,
they no longer lord over your existence,
and no longer have any true power over you;
- Just because they had children, does not mean they possessed the maturity or ability to be parents;
- They were not born with the intention of hurting you.
They were only trying to survive, and meet their own needs
in the only ways they knew how -- inadequate as that may
have been -- based on their life experiences and how they
- Even if their behavior was careless, selfish, harsh, cruel, inappropriate, neglectful, inconsiderate, overbearing, abusive, twisted, or cold, this was the best they were
capable of (all people function at their optimum);
- This doesn’t mean that they are not culpable and should not be held accountable for their actions. It just means that their poor parenting had nothing to do with you. It is a statement on them.
- No matter how it may appear, they themselves are not
the result of perfect parenting, and so they were unable
to bring to the job of parenting, the necessary ingredients
to be great parents;
- Given ideal conditions from their birth forward,
they could have been wonderful human beings and
wonderful parents—people worthy of love and respect,
and capable of giving the same;
- Perfect conditions rarely, if ever, exist—especially on a continuous basis;
- June Cleaver (Leave it to Beaver) and Jim Anderson (Father Knows Best) are characters from old TV shows who were perfect parents. They do not exist in the “real” world;
- Children have to pick up where their parents leave off.
Fill in the gaps, plug the holes, in some cases deal with
the traumas, re-educate, re-condition, re-parent themselves,
or throw it all out the window and start from scratch.
- There is work to be done, yes, but the years are not wasted. Everything teaches you something.